My relationship preferences are no less valid than the next person’s

I went on vacation to relax. I went on vacation to interview with a prospective job. I went on vacation to spend time with one of my best friends.

And what have I gotten from it?

A good prospect for the job, but in turn, I’ve been ridiculed for my relationship choices by my so-called best friend.

It hurts. He’s mocked my relationship. He said, “you guys have been dating a month and he was out in California for part of it? And now you’re down here? What kind of a relationship is that?” Umm… An adult one where we still have separate lives and want to be together?

I chose a relationship that is long distance for a reason. I have a sense of independence with it. I know that I can keep being myself while still having someone there for me. We can see each other when we make time, and we still have our own selves intact. I’ve had issues with relationships consuming my life, losing myself to the other person and putting their opinions and values ahead of my own. That isn’t an issue with long distance relationships for me. It helps me maintain who I am.

He ridiculed my choice to have an LDR because I wouldn’t be able to be with the other person all the time. I wouldn’t be able to touch them. However, in the last six months, I’ve come to realize that being comfortable in my own skin means allowing others to touch me on my terms. I don’t want to always have someone coming up to me and touching me whenever. That’s NOT OK. Human contact is nice, but again, it has to be on MY terms, not someone else’s. That’s part of why consent is such a huge deal. If I don’t want you touching me, don’t touch me.

There is no excuse for him to say that my opinions and preferences for a relationship are any less valid than his. Everyone is different, and if I’ve found someone that gets that, then that’s great. He can find his own thing with someone that gets his preferences.

I’m OK with being alone. I’m OK with being surrounded by people. I’m OK with just being me. I’m glad I’ve taken this trip because it’s helping me re-evaluate the relationships in my life and those that may be poisonous to me and my future. It’s just the start, but I think it could really propel me in the right direction.

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